It’s been two weeks since I last wrote about this, and three weeks since it all ended, but I had yet to know for sure. I still don’t even know how to process all this, because it continues to feel like each day that I wake up, the bad dream continues. But soon your face will fade away, and the happiness you brought me will be nothing but a distant memory. A Christina Aguilera verse comes to mind:
How could this man I thought I knew Turn out to be unjust, so cruel? Could only see the good in you, Pretended not to see the truth. You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself, You're living in denial, But in the end you'll see You won't stop me.
Those words ring so true, and it just goes to show, unbelievable as it seems, I’m not the only person in the world to whom this has happened. Someone that I knew, a friend, someone I thought genuinely liked me and liked spending time with me, could be so deceitful. Even This articlethough with each passing day the reality sinks in further, I still have this irrational hope that one day all this bad stuff will go away. That all the hurt and the lies will go away and my best friend will come back.
Realistically, I know that’s not going to happen, but thinking of it that way just fills me with sadness. I need to remain optimistic about life, yet not let myself be consumed by the thoughts of one person. I have to remind myself that he intentionally hurt me. He deliberately deceived me and did not make a single attempt to apologize.
This article that I’d found a few weeks, about ghosting, ago really spoke to me, as did this related article about all the unanswered questions I have. I try to be a strong person, but it still hurts. I took a huge leap of faith, believing the advice that, if I followed my heart, things would go my way. But instead I fell flat on my face, totally blindsided, and grasping for answers.